beating up life
by TheVeryCheesyAuthor
Summary: In which Class 1-A gets stuck in a continuous time-loop, gets too bored of it, and decides to abuse that power. Crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

i _mean come on,_ i'm _already making a serious timeloop fanfic. so why not a crack fanfic?_

* * *

Aizawa gave one look at the kids in front of him, zipped up into a yellow cocoon, and then leaned against the wall.

"Not this again," He groaned, "Well, I know you all know what we're supposed to be doing. I don't think it'll do anything but waste my precious sleeping time at this point."

Murmurs of agreement broke out and they all rolled out their own sleeping bags. Aizawa's eyes twitched open in surprise and he heaved out a sigh.

"As class president, I cannot have us wasting our time! Although I do admit, this sleeping bag is quite relaxing..." Iida said, his arms doing a chopping motion inside of his sleeping bag.

Not even five minutes of silence and Class 1A started complaining.

"I'm kinda boredddd..." Aoyama whined.

"There's no point in teaching when you all already know the course material," Aizawa's muffled voice came out, "Unless you would like to-"

"No!"

"No thanks, Aizawa-sensei!"

"Nope."

"Why the f-"

"We should probably shake things up a bit, yaknow, like have some fun this time!" Mina said, turning around in her pink cocoon.

Izuku poked his head out of his green sleeping bag, "What if... We drop in by the villans' base and say hi. Before they get to know us. Wouldn't that be kinda funny?"

Izuku Midoriya usually did not have bad ideas. Class 1-A was usually cautious. Aizawa was usually responsible.

"Was" and "usually" were the keywords.

"Why not," Todoroki said.

Chortles of agreement rang out in the crowd.

"Can we fucking kill that little shit Tomura then?"

Chortles of agreement and disagreement rang out in the crowd.

"It'll be fun to keep him alive," Sato said, "It kinda got boring last time without him."

"Why not have some fun this time? We always reset anyways," Kaminari said.

"Bro! Good idea!"

"Bro!"

"Will you two fucking shut up?"

"BakuBro!"

It just happened that a boy passed by their class. He looked in their window and gave a small scream. Inside the classroom, were silky caterpillars with heads poking out of them. Some of them had scrunched faces as if they were in pain. Others had looks of hopelessness. _Was this what Class 1A had to go through?_ He was shaken to the core and ran back to the classroom in seconds.

"Does anyone else think that if someone looked inside, they would doubt our sanity?" Tokoyami asked, grunting in an effort to move in his black sleeping bag.

"Nah, they better get used to it."

* * *

"Knock, knock!"

Tomura Shigaraki and Kurogiri stared at each other, and then back at the door.

"Did you hire any new recruits?"

"No, did you?"

"Maybe Sensei did-"

"Open up!"

Kurogiri placed the glass he was wiping down onto the table. He sighed reluctantly and went to answer the door.

If there was one thing he would ever regret in his life, it would be opening this goddamn door.

"Surprise!"

About twenty kids decked out in gray uniforms streamed in with confetti and balloons. A girl with audio jacks for ears blasted loud music and Kurogiri didn't know if he wanted to die at that moment. Half of them were screaming and wrapping Shigaraki in bright, festive ribbons.

A blond haired boy started to shoot sparkly laser beams while everyone else tried to give Shigaraki a spa experience. There were creams being forced onto the twitchy blue-haired man's face, and his hair was being tugged and braided. Mindful of his hands, they had given him gloves and tried to tattoo his arms with silly designs.

Kurogiri stared blankly at the wrapped up boy and went back to his bar.

"Damn, I thought this would shock the misty dude," A redhead sighed dramatically, "Oh, woe is me!"

"Fear not, Juliet, I shall help!" A boy with yellow, electrifying hair laughed.

The next thing Kurogiri knew was waking up to Tomura's resistance and a lightning bolt taped on his collar. He blinked his glowing eyes towards the gift basket on his bar table.

"Kurogiri! Untie me at once!" Tomura's eyes seemed to say.

He'd probably get punished later, but first, he slowly went through the basket of goods the hero students left him. _Maybe they weren't so bad after all._ They did tape Shigaraki's mouth, so he supposed he couldn't get too mad at them. And plus, Tomura now had some eyebrows on fleek.

"Shigaraki-san, look, they left a note, should I read it?"

Muffled shouting.

"Dear Kurogiri and Shigaraki, you both suck."

They both made a lemon face.

"See you at the UA Unforeseen Joint Simulator soon! We're kind of bored. X O X O. Also, Nomu was only interesting the first time around. You can bring the entire horde of them if you want, we don't care."

Kurogiri couldn't help but wonder if this was class 1A from the UA that had just walked in.


	2. Chapter 2

"check _out my etsy shop! it's listed underneath the same shop name— TheVeryCheesyAuthor) as the one i currently have as my fanfic username!_

* * *

"You know what would be really funny?" Izuku asks.

Heads swivel towards him.

"If we showed up to the attack pretending to be villains. I mean," Izuku flipped through his notebook, "Haven't you noticed that most of the villains wear all black and have this weird, menacing look? I bet if we showed up with some villainy disguises, we'd blend right in!"

Murmurs of agreement rippled through the classroom.

"Yeah! All we have to do is get some wicked dark eye circles and grunt a lot, and we have to look really tired and-"

All eyes turned towards the yellow cocoon with the tired face, who matched the exact description.

"-Not that you look like one, Aizawa-sensei!"

The teacher sighed in his chair and sagged forwards. Most of the students nervously sweatdropped, waiting for the teacher to say something. The others were rolling around in their own sleeping bags.

A moment of uncomfortable silence passed.

"A-Aizawa-sensei?" Mina's meek voice rang out.

Snores answered her.

* * *

"Students of UA-"

Shigaraki Tomura screeched before he could finish the first sentence of his speech. In front of him, were twenty, menacing faces wrapped in brightly colored silk cocoons. One of the villains peed their pants.

A boy with black hair and a burn mark on his face hopped in front of the cocoons. Judging from the black dust staining his white sleeping bag, it looked like he had hastily chalked his hair black. His piercing blue eyes looked like a carbon copy of Dabi's own blue eyes.

"W-what is this?" Dabi stepped forward, "W-Who are you?"

"I am Dabi," the boy said in a monotone voice.

"No, wait, I'm Dabi," Dabi pointed an accusing finger.

"No."

"Wait, no, what?"

"I am Dabi now. Behold, bask in my villainy."

"Wait, no, I'm Dabi. You're some kind of fake! You don't even have the same scars as I do! Your hair isn't even colored with real dye like mine."

The look the boy sent him sent chills down his spine. Dabi wanted to scream in frustration. The rest of the kids hopped around like beans, and he could hear the confused murmurs of the people behind him. _Were they stupid? The boy in front of him looks nothing like him!_

"I. Am. Dabi."

"No, I am!"

Dabi threw blue flames at the cocoons in anger. Immediately, some of the children started laughing. One of them even willingly got hit and mimicked his throwing motion. He could hear the uneasy shifting in the League of Villains.

* * *

"Eraserhead! We're being attacked!" Thirteen screamed, "I went to go to UA to get All Might, and suddenly-"

"Chill," The yellow cocoon sighed, "I'm going back to sleep..."

"Your class is being attacked and you're going to sleep? Oh my god, I have to go help-"

Right when Thirteen was about to jump into action, Aizawa pulled him back.

"Just watch."

* * *

"We're the Villians," Izuku glowered at the League of Villians and pointed to Tomura, "He's fake! We have to get rid of him in the name of Villany!"

To their surprise, half of the villains took the bait.

"W-Wait, that might be true..."

"Yeah, now that I think of it, those kids look like Villans. That blue-haired dude acts like a kid with a hand fetish."

Tomura whipped his head around right and left in confusion.

"A-A kid with a hand fetish...?" He growled angrily.

"Nevermind that!" Izuku hopped around in delight, "We're going to have so much fun with you all!"

"Don't forget his cute little creations!"

At this, the Nonmus made a sound and tried to run back to the open portal. Shirigaki looked at the portal with a sour face as if it had betrayed him. The rest of the villains scoffed at the cowardness of the Nonmus.

"Even the Nonmus..." Aoyama wheezed, "Oui, Oui! This is sparkling!"

Ochako laughed so hard, she thought she was going to pee her pants. After minutes of giggling, she wiped her eyes to clear away the tears that had come out. As she wiped her eyes, layers of purple and blue smudged her face.

"She's taking off her face!" A vilian screamed.

"I'd rather get hunted down by the handsy guy than fight these face snatching caterpillars!"

"Run, run, run!"

"Oops... Well, the eye circles looked fake anyways," Ochako sighed.

"No, w-wait, come back!" Shirigaki flailed his arms, "Father is going to kill me!"

The Nonmus, albeit dumb, conveyed the look as if they wanted to say ' _not today_ '. Even some of the villans hurried after the Nonmus, screaming when the portal closed. This made Katsuki start to cackle madly and his sleeping bag started smoking. Moments later, there were two burnt armholes and a scowl on his face.

"I can take care of a few brats," Tomura scowled and stared at them with piercing eyes, " I don't need—"

"Um, sir? The kids aren't paying attention anymore."

He stopped mid-rant and took in the teenagers before him. There was a girl with pink skin, filing down her nails and chatting animatedly with another girl. There were a few boys crowding an XBox, laughing as they raced to see who could die faster. There was a caterpillar crawling contest and half of them already had started to rough each other up.

What pissed him off was that most of them were _sleeping_ in different colored sleeping bags. They looked like silky caterpillars and he had to hold back a shutter. He muttered to himself in anger.

"I will... Kill... Father... Hands..."

* * *

Thirteen watched the scene before him with horror and confusion.

In front of him, were kids were giving each other piggy-back rides. They all had lassos and were chasing a hopping blue man. Other Villans were tied up, and were being spit-roasted on a fire. Even from the distance himself and Eraserhead were at, they could hear pleas of mercy.

"Someone in your class has some kind of blood quirk?"

Aizawa shot upright in confusion. He turned around and stared at a blond haired boy squirting red sauce out of his fingers and onto the villains.

"No, no, no, it's probably hot sauce," Aizawa wiggled to get more comfortable, "We're kind of stuck in this continuous time loop, and every time someone dies, that person gets a condiment quirk. It looks like Katsuki Bakugo got it this time."

"What?"

"Midoriya Izuku has a wasabi quirk, Todoroki Shouto has a strawberry creme quirk, Eijirio Kirishima has a ketchup quirk, and it looks like Katsuki Bakugo now probably has a hot sauce quirk. It's kinda handy when you're eating dry sandwiches."

"What..?"

"Oh nevermind. You'll just forget it the next cycle anyway."


	3. Chapter 3

"Don't you think Class 1A is a little bit weird? It's like they're constantly planning something," A scruff voice said, "I bet they're cheating. It's not fair to my own students if they are. There is no way that every single one of them got higher than a ninety-five on the midterm! My hard-working students saw them messing around the other day!"

A sigh vibrated through the room.

"Well, since everyone has been raising concerns about Aizawa's class, why don't I personally go sit in a lesson with them?" A slightly higher pitched voice answered, "In fact, since everyone has been hounding me on this... Why don't I do it now?"

* * *

"They're coming!"

The moment Jiro unplugged her earphones from the wall was when everyone started moving.

"Alright everyone, Emergency Plan 'Suspicious Nezu!'"

The chairs that had been pushed back to form the 'Caterpillar Boxing Ring' was returned to their original positions. Tables screeched loudly when the class moved them. Sleeping bags were hastily shoved back into backpacks and closets. Everyone pulled out their papers and pencils, flipping to notes that they had previously prepared.

"Flip to the lesson where we talk about logarithms," Aizawa said, "Also, do you guys want to place the order now?"

Everyone turned around and solemnly nodded.

"Who are we addressing it to?"

"Shigaraki Tomura."

The moment when Eraserhead finished ordering, was the moment the class started moving again.

"Hurry! I can hear his footsteps coming down the stairs," Jiro said.

Todoroki had to put out the fires. Momo made a new blackboard while Bakusquad tried their best to repair the steaming floors. Everyone else cleaned up the blood and dust until the classroom was spotless.

Right when the last person sat down, Principal Nezu walked in with his entire tea set.

"Logarithms..." drawled out Aizawa-sensei, "Are very, very interesting. Super fascinating. Absolutely captivating-"

"Did you know that a rat's hearing is amazing?" Nezu suddenly interrupted.

Twenty pairs of eyes stared right into his black, mischevious ones. To the right, he could see Iida nervously sweating, and Izuku muttering furiously. Most of the class stared at his confusion and he let his lips curl up into a grin. Not half a second later, he saw Momo's face whiten in shock and realization.

"Even if Jiro-san here has great hearing, it doesn't mean that others can. Now, I know you all are time-travelers, but if the other classes get a wind of this... Well, let's just say that things aren't going to be pretty from now on. They could get you all in a lot of trouble."

Nezu placed his teacup down and smiled.

"Well, please do continue to have fun, but do it with caution."

"...So you know about us spending UA's budget for random stuff?" Kaminari weakly asked.

"Yes, I do know that you all bought seventy-eight sleeping bags. I don't even want to know about the party supplies or the All Might bibs. Yes, I was made aware of this because I can see every purchase. No, I am not mad. Are there any more questions?" Nezu replied.

Kaminari opened his mouth to speak again but Principal Nezu beat to him to it.

"And yes, I do know that you _just_ also bought an indestructible cone of shame that is currently shipping to Tomura Shigaraki. I can access your Amazon account. I've seen one hundred different cones in the basket since last week."

"He scratches himself too much..." said Ochako weakly.

"Alright, if everything is settled, then I shall leave. Have a nice day, students and Aizawa-sensei."

Even after their principal left, the entire class looked at the now empty spot.

"This just got a lot easier or a whole lot more complicated?" Aizawa said.

* * *

"The Sports Festival... _De Nouveau_." Aoyama sighed.

"Same old plan?" Shoji flexed his arms.

"Let's just make it up on the spot," Hagakure said, "I'm getting kinda tired of doing the same thing over and over again."

To the other students in the participant waiting room, it looked like Class-1A was stuck-up and acting bored. They were all riled up about the class's attitude, and finally, Monoma from Class 1-B had the nerve to speak up.

"You think you're so cool, huh?" The entire room turned to the blond kid, "Acting all bored about the Sports Festival. You guys think you're way too good for the rest of us-"

"Please stop talking, you're giving me a headache."

About twenty pairs of tired eyes focused on Monoma. He stared them down, ignoring the slightly scared tremors that wracked through his body. It looked like Class 1A were all sleep deprived or demon spawns. Either way, Monoma didn't want to be at the center of their attention anymore.

As quickly as inspiration had come to the blond, it left him.

* * *

"What's this? It looks like Class 1A is staying outside of the race whereas everyone is pushing and shoving towards the entrance... Let's see what our young Listeners up to now!" Present Mic yelled.

The entire Class 1A looked bored as the other classes shoved and pushed each other, racing to get out of the exit first. The crowd stared down at Class 1A, surprised that they hadn't made a single effort to get up yet.

"Wait... Are those sleeping bags?"

"They're going to sleep?"

"What the hell?"

"Isn't that kind of smart though? It looks like they're waiting for the commotion to die down."

* * *

"All clear?"

Midoriya nodded, "Almost. There are a few stragglers."

"Alright! Todoroki, ice bridge. Koji, get your birds. We're going in."

In a flash, the class had woken up and rolled up all their sleeping bags. A bi-colored teenager behind him and a large horizontal pole of ice appeared. Al of a sudden, the pole lengthened and the kids were pushed forwards.

The crowd screamed in horror when the entire arena was covered in ice. It was an overwhelming display of power, something that a mere fifteen-year-old shouldn't have been capable to produce. But the ice was there, in all its cold glory, showing itself off.

"That kind of power..."

"Jesus..."

Even Endeavor had a surprised look on his face. Even during Shoto's training sessions, he had never seen his son produce this much firepower. _Was he holding back from me?_

"Wait, what's this? _It looks like Eraserhead's class is flying!"_ Present Mic screamed.

Right on cue, the screen changed from the arena to the woods. There were _thousands of birds_ flying together, and the crowd could make out tiny bits of the UA uniform. The other people that they passed had stopped to stare in awe and confusion. Even the robots looked overhead, momentarily stopped in destruction.

"Bakugo! Deku!"

The crowd watched in awe as a green haired boy appeared in the back of the flock. He held out his hands in front of him, and green electricity started to crackle in the air around him. When he flicked, the entire flock of birds was propelled forwards at an insane speed.

No one noticed how the students that had been staring up at the mess of birds and people now stopped to howl at their burning eyes. When they rubbed away, there was red hot sauce was smeared all over their faces.

"Carolina Reaper baby! Fuck you bitches!" A mad cackle was heard.

From the stadium, the teachers collectively gasped.

"I don't teach expletives to my children," Aizawa offered weakly.

"What... Exactly have you been teaching them, Eraserhead?" A General Education teacher asked.

"Life skills."

* * *

"The momentum is too fast! Sero, double-sided sticky tape! Tokoyami, have Dark Shadow! Brace yourselves for impact!"

From the mass of birds, strings of white tape shot out towards the Finish line and wrapped themselves loosely around the poles. A shadow loomed behind the Finish Line, complaining while spreading his arms to prepare himself.

"Koji!"

In the last second, all the birds were called off. They flew away and blinded all the video feed at the same time. When the flurry of feathers finally cleared, Eraserhead's entire class were wrapped in white tape and being held in the bird shadow's arms.

"It looks like the _entire Class 1A tied for_ _first?"_ Present Mic's voice rung out in the stunned crowd, "What a turn of events-"

To their surprise, Class 1A had taken out their sleeping bags. Half of them were waving to the camera and the other half were asleep.

"And Unsurprisingly, they're asleep again."


	4. Chapter 4

_due to multiple reviews, i'm not expelling Mineta for his behavior anymore. so i guess he's back._

* * *

"Even though we had complications in identifying which student was going to recieve the ten-million-point headband and so forth, we received a piece of paper from Class 1-A with students who had placed themselves! To our surprise, some of Class-1A have opted out of the Calvary battle and have decided to drop out of the Festival. This means that some of the runner-ups from the Obstacle Race are able to participate!"

At this, the crowd went up in an uproar. Half of them were screaming with disapproval, and the other half were confused. Midnight cracked her whip impatiently and the audience's yelling dimmed down considerably.

"We will now proceed with the battle as the original rules have stated. Please look on the board to find out how many points your headband is worth. You have fifteen minutes to form a team."

* * *

The runner-ups stared warily at the group in the corner that was madly cackling. Even Vlad King took one step back when he heard the unmistakable sound of the infamous Double Trouble laughing. The rest of Class 1A took one look at the four students in the corner and prayed for the other competitors.

"It looks like our First Place and Second Place Listeners have formed a team together! What a pleasant surprise," Present Mic said.

"It doesn't feel safe," Shouto admitted.

"Not at all," Tokoyami agreed.

"May God help us all," Kaminari sagely nodded.

"I'll just carry you three and run in circles. That's our best bet," Iida sighed.

They nodded without a word and clambered onto his back.

"Ready, Listeners?" Present Mic said.

The crowd roared in place of the competing teams' silence.

"Go, go, go!"

* * *

"Look! There's Monoma! Let's tag team him first!"

Team Monoma froze in horror. Testutestu was the only one who dared to turn his head back to see the commotion going on behind him. He gave a short scream. Suddenly, Team Monoma was running even faster than Team Todoroki, with a green and red devil chasing them from behind.

"Run, run, run! You do not want to see what I just saw!" Testutestu was on the verge of tears.

Because of their cursed curiosity, the other three members of the group turned back.

In the air, was Bakugo Katsuki and Izuku Midroriya chasing after them like avenging archangels. They were both held by white tape around their waists connected to a black-haired boy who looked like he wanted to have nothing to do with them. On the ground, a brunette looking straight at them with her fingertips pressed together, and a mad grin stretched on her lips.

The four looked back at Bakugo and Izuku.

Izuku and Bakugo suddenly grinned.

Testutestu noticed the white tape lasso in their hands a split second too late.

"YEET OR BE YEETED!"

* * *

"I'm really glad you decided to join our team," Hagakure said to Shinsou.

"So manly!" Kirishima said.

"Seriously though," Momo said, "It was very good of you to do so. We need you to use your power to brainwash the terrible two so we don't get hurt."

"Wait what-" Shinsou started.

"SORRY TO BREAK THIS FUCKING HEARTFELT MOMENT, BUT IT'S YOUR TURN TO BE LASSOED!" Katsuki suddenly appeared in their field of vision, "THIS BAD BOI GOTTA GET ONE MORE POINT TO CONTROL THE MEME ACCOUNT FOR A WEEK!"

Kirishima screamed.

"WAIT, KACCHAN!" Izuku suddenly swung in, "Shinsou is one of my best friends and I'm sure this version of Shinsou can help us out and brainwash people to suck our toes! Maybe we should let them slide to the next round!"

"Good fucking point." Katsuki floated in midair, "Consider yourself lucky, I will not yote you all on this fine autumn morn."

"W-What is wrong with your class?" Shinsou stammered.

"I think you've at least said that a thousand times by now," Hagakure said.

They started to float away but Mina tugged on the tape harshly. Katsuki choked midair and then whirled around to glare at them. Izuku gave her a questioning look. Hagakure, Kirishima, and Mina all opened their mouth to say the same thing.

"End us."

Even Bakugo was shocked into silence.

"Why?"

"Getting beat up by you two during the Tournament is worse than getting lassoed like cows," Mina explained, "We don't want a repeat of Time Loop #32."

Midoriya nodded solemnly.

"Goodbye soldiers."

* * *

"It seems like there are only three teams left and we still have ten minutes of the Calvary Battle left! Should we let this competition continue or should we let the last three teams advance to the Tournament?" Midnight asked, "What do you all think?"

The roar of affirmation in the crowd overrode the tiny mewl of negativity in the stands.

"Looks like our Listeners out there want the show to go on! With only three-Wait no, two teams left? Anyways, Team Midoriya somehow managed to lasso in every single contestant and snag all the headbands. However, we still have Team Todoroki up and running with their 615 point headband!"

The audience watched intensely as Izuku tried to smack Iida's legs with Sero's tape. Katsuki, on the other hand, was roaring and exploding everything in the arena. Ochako's face had started to turn green, but she held her fingertips together with a smile and determination.

Sero, on the other hand, sighed and continued to spurt out the tape. The camera zoomed in onto his mouth reciting prayers.

"You might want to stop them now if you want an interesting Battle Tournament for later. If not, I am pretty sure Midoriya and Katsuki will go as far as to wipe each other out," Aizawa's muffled voice came from the yellow sleeping bag.

Even though Team Todoroki was a blur, they were somehow able to capture every team member's exhausted and pleading looks.

"A-Alright! Time!" Present Mic yelled.

Never had they seen this much damage done by ONE team. In the beginning, they had started out with more than ten teams. Now, there were only two teams left barely standing. The pro-heroes were furiously scribbling notes down about the last eight, already starting to fight about who was able to get who as their interns.

"W-Wait, what's this? There's another team left with _ten points!_ " Present Mic gasped.

In the middle of the wreckage, was a silver hand holding a ten-point headband like it was the Olympic torch.

"That _fucker seems_ to never know when to quit!" Katsuki howled.

* * *

 _check out my Etsy shop! (TheVeryCheesyAuthor)_

 _sorry i wrote this at like 3 last night lol_


	5. Chapter 5

With a gasp, Fumikage Tokoyami suddenly woke up.

"Wasn't it just the UA sports festival...? Did someone mess up again...?"

Dark Shadow heaved out a sigh, "I believe so. And it seems like we restarted earlier than everyone else... We must've been standing next to the person who died if we restarted this early! Who else was in the bathroom with us?"

"Wait, wasn't Aoyama right next to us?" Tokoyami asked Dark Shadow.

Dark Shadow's eyes crinkled and a howl of laughter tore through his ghost-like body. Even though Tokoyami was confused, he could feel the amused emotions coursing through his body and couldn't help but quirk a smile.

However, as Dark Shadow kept laughing, Tokoyami got more and more annoyed.

After the fifth minute, Tokoyami grunted and Dark Shadow wiped imaginary tears from his eyes.

"Dark Shadow, why are you like this?"

Another surge of amusement coursed through his body and Dark Shadow started snickering again. Tokoyami patiently waited for his quirk to stop cracking up by mindlessly scrolling through his phone.

"It's just-" Dark Shadow let loose another snort- "I think Aoyama shot a laser to the mirror and then it reflected back to himself. I remember him telling Tsuyu, Momo, and Iida that he's always wanted to try that."

Tokoyami couldn't help but put his feathery head in his hands with disappointment.

"What if Aizawa-sensei used his quirk on himself in the mirror? That'd be hilarious! I'd totally go through another reset to see that!" Dark Shadow suddenly laughed again, "Or maybe that Shinsou kid from the General Education class! What if he mind-controls himself and just becomes brainless! What if-"

"What a mad banquet of darkness..."

* * *

"Wake up, boy!"

Shouto Todoroki cracked his tired heterochromia eyes and started at the number two hero. He rolled his eyes and then gave a grunt. Endeavor gaped at him with disbelief as his youngest son rolled to the side and buried himself underneath the blankets.

"You dare defy me?"

"Yeah, go away. I'm tired," Shouto gave an annoyed grunt.

"You have to go to school in one month! You have to train so you can beat the other students in your class and come out top! Do not try to show me attitude-"

An icy pillow suddenly smacked his mouth. The pain compared to the disbelief and anger coursing through his system was like comparing Pluto to the Universe. He must have stood there for at least two hours in shock because the Sun had finally started to rise.

"Why are you still here, old man?" Shouto asked.

"Y-You imbecile! You will respect your Father-"

"I'm pretty sure the amount of resets I went through makes me older than you by now. You should respect your elderly," Shouto said.

Even after five hours and coated in ice, Enji Todoroki stared at Shouto Todoroki's door in confusion.

* * *

"Is it just me or does Dad seem broken?" Fuyumi asked.

"He's just starting at Shouto's door... What the heck?" Natsuo said.

Speaking of which, the house had been oddly quiet and peaceful all day. At first, Natsuo and Fuyumi avoided the area around Shouto's door as much as possible because of the massive man. However, even after three hours, the man had stood there, silent and staring.

"Hey."

Natsuo and Fuyumi whirled around and stared in surprise.

Shouto Todoroki, in all his glory, was dressed in blue _jeans_ and a white tee. What was even more shocking was that fact that his face was free of bruises, and there wasn't a single burn or cut on him from training. Normally, around this time, they would see their little brother stagger into the kitchen with a ripped yukata and sporting multiple injuries.

Fuyumi was the first one to recover from her shock.

"S-Shouto... What happened to Dad?"

"I told him to go away."

Their little brother smiled and Natsuo jumped back in confusion. Fuyumi whipped her head back and forth from Enji to Shouto.

"Anyways, let's go get ice cream"-Shouto showed them the brown leather wallet with Enji's name engraved onto it-"Dad's treat. I'm sure he won't mind if we spend a couple hun-thousand dollars."

* * *

Kirishima was already at school when his restart happened.

One second he had been talking to Todoroki in the bathroom line, and the next, he woke up to the jeering faces to his former middle school bullies. He blinked his bleary eyes and gave an annoyed sigh.

"Watch that attitude!"

"Did you not hear us, rock face? You think you're so nice and-"

"Shut up," Kirishima slammed his hardened hand on the table.

With his extra years of training from all the Resets, the act had completely demolished the table. His middle school bullies suddenly jumped back in fear when he grinned. Even though his body wasn't used to the increase in power, he was still able to make them scared.

"N-Nevermind! We were just kidding!"

With that, the three goons ran away with their tails and wings tucked.

Kirishima mentally patted himself in the back and smiled.

"That was so cool!"

A pink skinned girl suddenly appeared before him and he shot out honey mustard from his ears in surprise, "M-Mina?!"

"Yeah? What's up? Why the hell did you just shoot mustard from your ears?"

"Never mind that... Have you registered the Reset yet?"

Mina blinked her golden eyes at him with confusion, "What Res-"

Suddenly, her eyes became glassy and her face went slack. Kirishima resisted the urge to laugh as he stared at Mina's face when her expression started to change. Her eyes refocused and darted around the room in annoyance. She finally landed her exasperated gaze on Kirishima.

"Someone fucked it up again, huh?"

* * *

Aoyama winced when someone suddenly slammed him into a tree.

"Aoyama, I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Blond hair appeared in his vision and he cringed.

"A-Ah, _monsieur,_ w-why are you so m-"

"You know what you did, shitty French dude! Now Deku and I have to remake our meme account and I can't post any of the fresh memes I made for the UA festival! Also, did you know that I heard from Tokoyami that you made us all reset because you shot yourself in the mirror! What kind of shitty death is that?"

" _P-Pardon,"_ Aoyama grimaced when Bakugou Katsuki pressed him against the tree with more pressure, "But I do recall that you caused a reset once when you consumed thirty liters of your own quirk-produced hot sauce. Oh, and let us not forget the time that you got the Grape Jelly quirk because you decided to eat all of Mineta's hairballs because it tasted _good._ "

Katuski squawked.

* * *

Momo Yaoyorozu wasn't surprised when she found herself staring at her tutor instead of the crowd at the UA festival.

"Oh god. Who did it this time?" She mumbled.

Immediately, her tutor stopped lecturing her about quantum mechanics.

"Momo-san, what did you say?"

"Nothing other than that I appreciate you a lot but I've heard you talk to me about quantum mechanics more times than I've seen Shigaraki Tomura pee his bed and pick his nose," Momo turned to give her tutor a serious look, "Which I can confirm that it happens more than you think it does. Now, if you excuse me, I have a person to hunt down."

* * *

 _check out my etsy shop!_


	6. Chapter 6

Sero was in the middle of being robbed when he woke up.

"P-Put your wallet on the ground!"

Sero wanted to groan in frustration.

A rat mutant quirk man pointed a gun directly in between Sero's eyes. Even though the robber was standing over Sero, who had probably just collapsed, the mutant was shaking and he looked like he was close to wetting his pants. Sero gave an easy grin and inconspicuously stuck out his elbows.

"Chill..."

"P-Put down your wallet now!"

"Dude, we've done this over like a thousand times at this point. Can't you just leave? I was about to buy a melon bun and I'm freaking hungry. Plus, mom sent me out to get groceries and she'd beat my ass if I came back home empty handed."

The rat mutant kicked him in the stomach. A shot of pain spread through Sero's abdomen and he coughed out soy sauce. _This was new_. Both the robber and Sero stared at the suspicious liquid and grimaced when it pooled pathetically.

The robber jumped in alarm and shuffled backward when the black liquid landed on his shoes.

"What kind of black thing are you spitting out, freak? Is this some kind of quirk? Then what about your elbows? How the hell is this black stuff related to your tape elbows?" The man waved his gun around in confusion and fear, "Holy shit... Do you have multiple quirks?"

Sero's grin turned feral and squid ink ran out of his nose.

"Damn right I do."

* * *

"...Chan... Tsuyu-chan... Tsuyu-chan!"

Asui stared in surprise when she suddenly saw her middle school best friend again.

"H-Habuko-chan."

"Oh my goodness Tsuyu-chan! I think you have a concussion!" Habuko's tail lashed wildly in concern, "Sensei! Can I bring Tsuyu-chan to the nurse? I think she has a concussion from hitting her head on the pole!"

Tsuyu's tongue curled in frustration as Habuko swaddled her into her arms.

"Habuko-"

"Tsuyu-chan, you shouldn't talk much, it might aggravate your concussion!"

"Habuko-chan, I don't have a concussion. It's because I traveled back in time and I am still a little bit confused and disorientated. I need to go find Shoji and Sero..."

This time, Habuko hugged her even tighter.

"O-Oh my goodness, your concussion must be extremely bad in order for you to get that confused. Have no fear, Tsuyu-chan, we are almost at the nurse's office. You'll feel better after she observes you!"

"Habuko-"

Tsuyu suddenly sneezed and her eyes flung violently shut. When she opened them, her lizard friend was drenched in basil pesto. Tsuyu's face heated up in embarrassment as Habuko made a disgusted face.

"Shh... I don't mind," Habuko gave a smile that felt more like a grimace, "It oddly smells like pizza."

Tsuyu groaned silently in frustration and stayed swaddled inHabuko's arms. At least her tongue muscles weren't partially burnt off from the UA festival anymore. Plus, being swaddled felt like a warm sleeping bag. It was... Nice.

* * *

Shoji woke up face down on a dojo floor and cursed.

"Get up _Shoji,_ aren't you trying to get into UA? Ojiro, that was a sloppy uppercut. How are you both ever-"

In a flash, the eight-armed boy rose up and spat at their Sensei's face. He gave a wink to his lion-tailed opponent and tossed their teacher to the opposite side of the room. The audience stared at amazement as the man twitched once, twice, and then stayed down.

Immediately, the watchers went on an uproar.

"Shut up."

Ojiro watched in amazement as his sparring partner- _wait no, Shoji was his classmate, and god, he was going to kill the person who reset the loop this time-_ walked out confidently.

* * *

"Izuku! Honey, there's a friend at the door for you!"

"C-Coming!"

Midoriya Izuku jolted out of bed for fear. Did one of his bullies come to find him _at his house?_ Where his _mom_ was at? _Where_ they _trying to get themselves expelled from school?_ Sliding the hero analysis notebook underneath his drawer, he threw on an All Might sweater hastily. He practically flew down the hallway to greet his 'friend' at the door.

"Hello, Izuku."

To his surprise, a pretty boy around his age who had the strangest dyed hair and heterochromia eyes greeted him. He was clad in all designer clothing and his sunglasses screamed wealth. In addition, the sneakers he wore had to be ten times the price of Izuku's own designer sneakers.

Somehow, the boy looked oddly familiar to Izuku. However, the weirdest thing about the boy was not his mismatched features or the large burn scar covering his left side, it _was his eyelashes._

"YOUR EYELASHES ARE ON FIRE!" Izuku screamed.

The boy merely gave a small quirk of his lips. Izuku stared in fascination as the orange fire spread onto his pale eyebrows.

"Yes. I took your advice."

A strange feeling of fondness and pride washed over Izuku.

"E-Excuse me, but who are you?"

"Shoto Todoroki."

An awkward silence passed over the two boys and Izuku had to bite down on his lips to keep his mouth shut. There were a million questions he wanted to ask the pretty boy in front of him but his mother had taught him better than that.

"O-Oh well, T-Todoroki-san, do you want to come in?" Izuku held the door open.

"No, it is alright. My sister is waiting for me outside and she is an impatient woman. See you at school soon, Izuku."

Shoto turned around and walked away, leaving Izuku to squawk and stutter in confusion and surprise. When Shoto was finally out of sight, he immediately deactivated his fire quirk and clutched at his burning eyes.

He dabbed at his tears with foreign dollar bills.

"Oh my word, how does Father even maintain his beard..."

* * *

Aizawa woke up, swore to the Heavens at Class 1A, and hibernated for the next two months.


	7. Chapter 7

people really weren't lyin when they said junior year is hard. _it's hard._

* * *

"Inko, my little brat has been acting weird lately."

The green haired woman stifled a giggle and said, "Hormones-"

"No, before you say anything, my brat is weirder than usual. Like he's oddly quiet and just _disappears_ sometimes? He stopped hanging around bad influences, thank god... Plus, I know that his quirk was powerful enough to blow up tables, but he somehow blew up an entire abandoned house the other day..."

Inko gave a minute frown and she gripped her coffee cup in concern.

"I think it's a little bit strange too. I see Katsuki hanging around with Izuku lately, and even though it's a good thing, they haven't been friends for a while, haven't they? A week ago, some random kids started showing up to our door- and they were really nice and polite too. In addition, Izuku got some powerful quirk as a late bloomer..."

"Same with Katsuki! Well, except the quirk part. Did you notice that he and Izuku hang out with the strangest group of friends? And they always come back ass wiped and roughed up..."

She suddenly dropped her teacup onto the table and let out a loud gasp. Green tea dripped from all sides of the table but she made no move to clean it up. Instead, she gripped her phone tightly with two, shaky hands.

"Inko? Inko? What happened?"

"Nothing. Mitsuki-chan, I know it's not likely... But do you think they're part of a fighting ring?"

"Oh fuck I'm going to kill them-"

"I-I mean-"

"No, Inko-chan! That makes sense! They disappear in the middle of the night, Izuku suddenly gets some powerful quirk and their friend's powers are out of this world! Have you seen that brat with half white hair and half red hair? He's a Todoroki!"

"A-A Todoroki? He came to our house a week ago and used bills as tissues!"

"He must be some kind of benefactor! What do we do? What if the little shits are involved with _villains?"_

At this, Inko gave a chortling laugh.

"J-Just a possibility, yaknow!"

"Our kids would never! They want to be heroes," Inko had no doubt in this, "Maybe they just enjoy fighting? I'll just ask Izuku tonight. Speaking of which, I have to get started with dinner soon. Do you want to come over for some tea tomorrow?"

"Oh! Damn," Mitsuki said, "Hell yeah! Let's drink green tea and pretend it's tequila!"

* * *

"Mom! I'm home!"

Izuku took off his shoes and heaved out a sigh. At this point, going to middle school became useless. He had attended the same class at least a hundred times, learned the exact same thing more than a thousand times, and had gotten caught sleeping again.

"I'm in the dining room, Izuku."

 _Crap. Whenever mom is waiting for me, it's always something bad._

He shrugged off his coat and hurriedly hung it on the rack. Basically sprinting from the coat rack to the dining room, he stopped at the doorway and straightened out his crumpled uniform.

His green eyes met her stern face.

"Mom, before you say anything, no, All Might is not my secret lover. No, I am not involved with illegal drugs and no, I don't own a farm. No, I am not some underground superhero and I haven't broken any bones yet. And _no,_ I am not lathering myself up in butter and rubbing my face against the floor."

Inko looked gobsmacked and her face was scrunched in confusion.

"Izuku, honey... I-I was about to ask if you were involved with an underground fighting ring, but now I'm a little bit concerned about your mental health and wellbeing. Do your new friends have some kind of bad influence on your new behavior?"

Izuku's eye twitched, "Mom, did All Might forget to tell you that he passed his quirk down to me?"

Inko and Izuku stared at each other.

"What quirk. What do you mean forget," Inko's voice became flat, "Why haven't I been notified about this?"

"So long story short," Izuku recited from memory, "I've told you this story maybe a hundred times but I can repeat it again. Basically, my friends and my teachers at UA are stuck in this time loop and it's really annoying because we experience the same thing over a hundred times and fight the same villains over and over again. All Might chose me as his successor and he's about to die, which he likes to deny repeatedly because he doesn't actually die except those three times. Oh, and we reset every time and get a new quirk when someone dies."

Throughout his short story, his mother's face morphed from confusion to blankness. Her eyes twinkled with concern but her face lacked emotion. Izuku breathed out a sigh through his nose, stretched his aching arms, and aimed his pointer finger into Inko's cup.

"Izuku, sweetie, did you hit your head last week...?"

"No mom, here, watch this."

A squirt of clear, viscous liquid came out of his fingertip. He switched to his ring finger and green jam came out in globs, landing weakly around the cup. It spurted pathetically for at least a minute until it gushed out rapidly.

"Sorry, I'll clean that up later," Izuku sighed meekly as his finger spurted out at least four gallons of the green, sticky jam.

"I just got the kiwi jam quirk two resets ago and I'm not really loving it. The taste is really off and when you have it with eggs, god, it's _disgusting._ The jam oddly tastes good when Kaminari fries it thought, which is totally weird. Also, it really helps during the Sports Festival though, I made so many people slip because somehow, I can only mass produce it-"

"Izuku, I-"

Inko fainted.

"Crap. Not again..."


	8. Chapter 8

check out my etsy shop, _TheVeryCheesyAuthor_

* * *

Denki Kaminari had never been the dumbest kid, really. He got his quirk at three, and knew that if he touched anyone while his emotions went haywire- he would shock them. He repeated it to himself everyday until the phrase became engraved on the side of his head in the shape of a black lightening bolt in his shockingly yellow hair.

It wasn't easy though. He craved touch- he loved it, and it was unfair how the world could just take everything away from him with the exchange of a quirk.

He pretended not to notice when he hugged his mother and electrocuted her to death. Maybe he just didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he killed everyone in his family, and maybe his entire neighborhood. Or maybe the electricity was really frying his brain like the dead? doctor said.

Dead?

He couldn't remember. Being face-down on the ground and being cold meant death right?

And maybe it was because everyone was so scared of him that he ran away as fast as his little legs could carry him. And maybe it was fate that he met Sensei in the middle of the night, arms out in a welcoming embrace. And maybe it was destiny that Sensei didn't get electrocuted on contact.

 _And maybe... And maybe..._

And maybe the whole life he had been living was a lie. Because instead of living in a mansion with Sensei and thinking that everyone he knew was dead, he woke up one day to discover that he had been chained to a wall his entire life, with projections of death and gore running through his head.

But in the beginning he couldn't bring himself to feel anger. Instead, he felt duty and remorse, as if his life's purpose was to serve Sensei. Even after they trained his powers by beating his backside and leaving branded marks all over his malnourished body, he felt like as if he needed to do his duty.

For Sensei.

However, it all changed when he died the first time.

And then the second.

And then the third.

And then the fourth.

And then the tenth time, and he really didn't want to give a shit about being part of the Villains' and all their death threats, because seriously speaking; they hadn't even experienced death once, and here he was, a Death Veteran, being chained onto the wall and threatened by death.

He didn't really give a shit.

So when he discovered that he woke up again, having possibly died because of his stupidity or someone else dying, he spat at Tomura's aghast face.

"What the-" Tomura slapped his cheek hard and screeched, "How dare you, Slave! Do you want to die?"

"Kinky," Kaminari nodded approvingly, "I haven't heard you say that in like two months since I broke out last reset."

"Broke out? Have you finally gone stupid again?" Tomura cackled and landed all five fingers onto Kaminari's nude torso, "I'll torture you so much that you'll die-"

"Blah blah, whatever," Kaminari said.

Even though Tomura's power felt like his skin was burning off, he couldn't bring himself to care. After all, it was probably the millionth time that he experienced the same phrase and the same pain over and over again. It was like his body didn't even realize it.

"You son of a-!"

Kaminari whacked his knee to Tomura's face. The chain, as usual, had been easy to wiggle out. Maybe it was because they were ignorant fools and didn't even realize he lost ten pounds in a month.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you want to help me break out or do I really have to wiggle out myself again. Hey, could you just like help me break down the chains with your fingers or somethin'?"

"W-What?"

Kaminari sneezed and yellow mustard came out of his nose. Tomura's cracked lips finally stopped smiling and Kaminari gave an inward cheer.

"So I'll just break out myself then, I guess. Can you at least tilt the oil lamp closer?"

Tomura could only gape at Denki in disbelief.

"Okay, no? Fine."

Doing the same stretch with his foot the millionth time in a row, Kaminari tipped the unlit oil lamp's contents onto his wrists. The still-warm oil made his thin wrists slip out like a slippery fish.

When Kaminari was finally freed, he rubbed his raw and bleeding ankles with a contented sigh. Wiping mustard off his nose, he walked over to Tomura and threw a fist to his nose.

The blue-haired man could only watch in shock as the boy, who he controlled like a puppy and tortured for the past nine years, threw another punch at his face and started to walk out by himself.

"Bye."

Kaminari stopped right before he headed out the door, "Oh, and be grateful that I haven't told my classmates about my past. So, you're welcome. At least you didn't get wasabi sealed shut in your eyes like two gallons of California Reaper Sauce down your raspy ass throat."

His yellow eyes stared into Tomura's own red ones and tried to ignore Tomura's broken nose.

"Maybe in the first world I let you use me like a doll and kill everyone I love, and maybe I was weak in the beginning. But one thing I know is that you're a piece of shit and I swear to god, I'm going to suggest that we tie you up like a piñata and beat you to death."

Five minutes after the yellow-haired boy left, Shigaraki Tomura let out a confused and defeated scream.

* * *

"Oh man," Kaminari looked at his thin and wobbly legs, "I probably looked like a baby deer walking out of there! So not cool, Denki. Should've waited a bit so I could have sashayed out of there instead. Whatever, time to find Jirou!"

Passerbys on the street could only frantically dial the mental hospital when they saw the thin, nude, and bleeding boy on the street talking to himself. A woman had even fainted upon looking at the brandings across the boy's veiny skin.

* * *

 _this was actually meant to be a kaminari denki traitor theory au, but i'm using it as a crack fiction so i didn't mean for this chapter to turn out so dark :/ oops_


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